CELEBRATING LIFE: A EUOLOGY FOR MY SISTER KIM
For those of you that know me well, speaking in front of an audience is typically not a problem for me; however today may be a little different, as I am not speaking of the passing of my 91- year old grandfather, who led a wonderful life. I am also not toasting the marriage of my cousin Erik and his wife, Jenn.
Today, I am speaking to you about my sister, Kim. She is my baby sister, the girl I cherished and protected. That being said, I hope that the Lord will bless these words and the message that leaves my lips will touch your spirit.
Kim would not want a somber eulogy. Life to her was a celebration. I promise to do my best— despite my heavy heart—to keep it light.
While pondering my words for today, I tried all the typical male "hot spots". The bathroom throne did not work because, like Kim, while stressed, our irritable bowel syndrome seems to take over with no positive results.
Since the bathroom didn't work, I ventured towards the garage. Since we do not have a garage at our house, I went to my workshop, with the intent of altering a piece of wood into a work of art: this did not occur.
To my surprise, as I entered my shop and turned on the lights, our company bulletin board had been turned into a shrine—a shrine with postings, notes and letters from Kim over the past five years. I was crying as I read them all, and then realized that it was Kim's 37th birthday; my spirit was being moved to write these words.
After reading all these notes—many of them published on our company website and on the websites for the Susan B. Komen Foundation and The Noble Circle Project—I sat down to compose a message. With the music loud, I pictured looking across this audience of family, friend and people I have never met (nor may ever see again), and it was overwhelmingly evident we all have something in common: We have all been touched by Kim's life.
She is, and will always be, a wife, a mom, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister, a sister-in-law, a niece, cousin, friend and—most of all—an inspiration. Kim learned to celebrate life, despite the challenges, in ways that most of us will never master. If I had a wish today, it would be that God grant us the ability to celebrate life without hesitation or excuses. I know that this is what Kim would want for all of us.
After reading the words we exchanged, I pray that none or you ever experience the reality behind such words as "ductal carcinoma" or a plethora of other medical terms. Instead, please focus on the words that promote life. Pick up the phone, write a letter or send an email and say "I love you". It is never too late…these words seem to say it all. I wish I would have done better at this!
As I finish, I ask that you stand and hold the hand of the person beside you as I ask a special blessing and repeat after me:
KIM'S BLESSING
- I vow, as a child of God
- To be strong for Jeff and Ryan
- To lead them in a manner that would make Kim proud.
- I promise to do my part, whatever and whenever that may be
- With God as my witness, I make this vow
- Amen
I conclude by asking Jeff Dahlinghaus, Ryan Dahlinghaus and Dr. Mark Romer to stand and be acknowledged. These men, in various roles, kept Kim alive—and active—well past the predictions of modern medicine.
To Jeff, I pray that he forgive himself; God wanted Kim in his heavenly kingdom.
To Ryan, I pray that he live his life to the fullest—always knowing how much his mother loved him.
And to Dr. Romer, I pray for strength, as his vocation calls him to help heal this devastating disease in others.
I ask that they accept this token to glorify God and Kim's spirit.
I love you, Kim.
KIM DAHLINGHAUS
November 5, 1968 — November 3, 2005
In memory & in appreciation of a life lived so well... For death shall have no quarter
Friday, November 4, 2005
Kim Dahlinghaus, sister, friend, daughter, mother, wife and tireless activist, passed away last night at 11:35 PM.
- Wade always appreciated our concern about Kim and her family and he wanted us to be sure that we were among the first to know. Kim and Wade greatly appreciated our contributions and inquiries over the past few years.
- It has come as a devastating—but not unanticipated—blow to her family, friends and associates.
- Kim died peacefully just 2 days shy of her 37th birthday. She had been battling her breast cancer—and more recently the resulting brain and other cancers—for several years now. Because she was so focused on living her life as fully as possible and because she wished to “stick around” as long as possible for her son, husband, brother and the rest of her extended family, she fought this disease with every tool at her disposal.
- Kim endured surgeries, radiation treatments, intensive chemotherapy regimes, cleansing and holistic diets, mental disciplines, focused imagery and whatever other tools she could discover, adapt or create in order to live her life to the fullest. She was active in the Susan B. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, the Noble Circle Project and other initiatives. Even then, her husband, Jeff and son, Ryan always came first (Kim was first diagnosed with the condition right after Ryan was born. He remained her greatest joy in life).
- Whenever she was physically able to do so, she participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and always pushed herself to increase the size of her pledges and donations. During her last race on 23 April 2005, she set herself a goal to raise $8,000.00 for the foundation, but quickly raised $7,535.00 of that, so Wade challenged her to “up the ante” and raise $10,000.00 instead: she raised over $15,000.00! (Kim always was an overachiever).
- She always made herself available to other women—and men—who were battling this condition, the (thankfully) many survivors and their co-survivors. Throughout this process, she discovered more about life—and lived more fully—than most other people have the opportunity to do. Kim was always an extremely focused person, but became a deeply spiritual person during this whole ordeal: she remained thankful for her many blessings.
- Because she used every tool available to her, because of her strong family and her unflagging support for the community, she lived much longer and stayed far more active than all the experts believed possible. To her, it was all about life. Wade was on his way back to Dayton when we talked to him this morning; they were scrambling to make the necessary funeral arrangements. He said that “true to her character, she was all about living…with no prior funeral arrangements.”
- On Friday, 28 October, MCR Services, Inc. celebrated its 10-Year Anniversary Open House. It was a really nice event and we had around 300 visitors. Fortunately, Kim and her family were able to attend and she was able to be part of the event and was with us all day long. Her son, Ryan, had a blast with all of the other kids who came and all of the “pirate” stuff we had for them. Kim had a really swell time and was able to go out with us afterwards for part of the evening to Plank’s on Parsons Avenue near Wade's home.
- This company anniversary was a really important milestone for Wade. (Wade decided to become a business owner earlier in his life after the example of his grandfather, Hardie Hanson, who operated the family business in Oneonta, New York. Nothing pleased their grandfather more than when Wade first started MCR in the basement of his home on FoResT Street.) Wade and his sister always supported each other fully and it was so nice that Kim—and many others in Wade’s family—could be there to share this with all of us. Their father and Uncle also came in from upstate New York; the whole family was together for the event.
- Please, always count your blessings. Please remember Kim and all her family in your prayers & reflections. Her Death may be a tragedy, but her life was a success and her ordeal—and her response to it—is certainly an inspiration.